Every year it's the same thing, clock strikes midnight and we toast to the new year, new beginnings, new habits, and new hopes. We set goals. We make vision boards. We join a gym. But by January 15, we usually end up frustrated, doubtful, and disappointed. Setting unrealistic expectations on ourselves, instead of taking an inventory of what really needs a 'tune-up'. Is it our diet? Could it be more clean? Is it our activity level? Do you spend more time on social media than pressing play?
NOT THIS YEAR! NOT THIS TIME! 2018 I want to get REAL. I want to get RAW. Just like you, I struggle with my weight and as I've gotten older, it's definitely not any easier. As a former athlete, some would say I have had it easy, but I will be the first to tell you that my body dysmorphia has been running rampid since my teens. I battled with bulimia in my late teens to early twenties. I look back on my photos now and laugh because NOTHING and I mean NOTHING was wrong with my 5'9", busty, athletic frame. But I had friends who were 5'2" and a buck ten, so you can only imagine how badly that takes a toll on a teenagers psyche and self esteem. I say "teenager' because as I've gotten older, I have learned to accept and love my height & build, it's one thing that makes me unique. But when you are the Amazon girl with your petite friends, all you wish for is to be a shrinking violet, squatting or hiding in photos embarrassed of yourself.
I started my journey back to health a couple of years ago, but it's been one hell of a rollercoaster. FEAR is a dangerous 4-letter word and sometimes it's won the battles and sometimes it's lost. But the creeping insecurities being an awkward teen definitely play a role in my journey. In order to move forward, you have to slay the dragons or demons of the past that say "You are NOT good enough" or "You don't deserve it". Replacing those voices with "I am GOOD Enough!" and "I DO deserve it" are a lot easier said than done. But I am a work in progress both mentally and physically.
I've been on EVERY fad diet & exercise program you can think of. I have binged, purged, and dated personal trainers. But what I learned is that it's not about what anyone else thinks or says, it's about YOU. How do YOU feel? How do YOU like what you see in the reflection in your bathroom mirror? What are YOU going to do about it? Sure you can cower in a fetal position drinking water and eating lettuce until the cows come home but that's not going to get you anything but a headache and an eating disorder!
The beauty of humans is that WE are all different. We respond to food differently. Some seek comfort in it from emotional trauma, some see it as an enemy, others see it as a form of celebration or reward, but in the end, it's NOURISHMENT. It's energy to fuel your body to perform at it's best.
I am going to journal through this year and I will make sure to include photos, commentary, and share with you my personal struggles to rebuild the bombshell that I know is still there, but it doesn't happen overnight. It happens ONE DAY AT A TIME!
Here's to 2018 to getting REAL & RAW, and bringing my SEXY back!